Ang sarap maligo sa umaga...

28 December 2005, Manila - It's something awesome, taking a bath in the morning, or in the sunny-part of the day. I guess that is because of taking a bath every day at 7:30PM or 8:00PM every work day is like a big task that you endure while you are working - every time a drop of water goes from your head to your toe, the distinct kind of coldness lulls you to sleep. But this time, going on a work shift during the day (2PM to 10PM), the coldness of the Christmas season is acceptable and in fact very much welcome. It wakes me up instead of pulling me back to bed.

I will miss this. Anyway, I'll be going back to the real world soon...

* * *

Waking up, getting out of bed, and walking downstairs, I sit down. Today, the real effect of the transfer hit me. I tried to rationalize the effect of being transferred, but I was just taking things inside, I don't want people to know what I feel. I feel betrayed. But then, I rationalized it with, "if I were in his position, would have made the same decision?" I know, I wouldn't, but I have to understand that he is thinking of the numbers that have to be presented to clients. It's just that for me, even though I came from a military background, the objectives are equal to the cost and the people behind the achievement of those objectives. People think that military people are not people-based or insensitive - on the contrary, they could be the most empathic people on earth. They take lives in front of their eyes without showing emotion - could there anything be more emotionally challenging and affecting than that? They hide their emotions behind the reason of "mission." In this situation, people who do not know how it is to be below do not know what they could and must feel.

What will this day be? Should I file my resignation? When? Will I wait to feel what it would be like?

I have always coped with challenge. In ROTC, I also thought of quitting. But then, after being given the anthology lines, like "you never can tell how close you are, you may be near when it seems afar," and "it's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit," mixed with thoughts of faith... I either stick it out or shape up. I believe in these six magic words which the Corps has taught me, "This too shall come to pass." The concepts of success, have been put in my heart - Anthologies, Classmates, Time Management and Stability under pressure (ACTS). These concepts make me stay and fight on. Perhaps, these words make me sort of childlike. I don't care. If that is what it takes to pull off this challenge, I will stick here.

* * *

Disposing people is not as easy as it sounds. But some other people do it without any hesitation. Well, if you look on papers and numbers and not on people at work, then people will be nothing but employee numbers or NT logins, not people striving to do their job to meet the team standards and be part of the team.

* * *

Having fun. Four days of no work is definitely fun. Coupled with being with your family on Christmas - I wasn't with my family last year just to go to work. Now, I have the opportunity of staying at home and celebrating the Christmas with my relatives. That's one thing I appreciate with this temporary change of assignment.

* * *

Don't bring your work away from your station. In NHO, they taught me that. But if you don't do that, how can you become efficient? Besides, how can you talk to people - as in converse with people and not with devices talking to your ears - without thinking and considering what will happen at the end of the call? That's what makes a person different from a computer or a PABX!

Sincerity is not a sound - it is an attitude. But people think they can sound it without meaning it. Well, they can, I cannot. I've been a perfectly good liar in various tasks, but not in this job.

Prayer for the stressed

A Prayer for the Stressed

 

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

 

And help me be careful of the toes I step on today As they may be attached to the ass I may have to kiss tomorrow.

 

Help me to always give 100% at work...

12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday and
5% on Fridays.

 

Help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day & it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!

Wish List

Christmas season again. Exchange gifts abound. For those who are planning to give me a gift, here is my wish list:

• Writing Effective Email
• Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
• Bible Handbook
• Emotions Revealed
• Special Words: Notes for when you don't know what to say
• Conversational Japanese, The Complete Idiot's Guide
• Giving and Receiving Feedback: Building a Constructive Communication
• Glass Chess (the type which one has a transparent glass, while the other piece is glass-blasted. dimension of about 12"x12"...)

What will happen, I wonder?

In aid of legislation

Of course, the House of Representatives minority group again has every right to question people and ignore their individual rights. In aid of legislation.

Hmmm. They say they are using these investigation in aid of legislation. Well, where are the bills or laws created with the information gathered from those investigation, which used a lot of resources paid for by the people's tax? The senators and the congressmen do not do anything to uplift the economic status of the country, criticize all steps taken by the President, and then pull the people into revolt or doubt of the government's motive. How about their own motive? Who is questioning them? Who is interrogating them?

Besides, if something is in aid of legislation, I think the atmosphere of the communication should be open and not accusing. The problem is, the person who is being asked is already presumed guilty, and has to prove his or her innocence, quite the opposite of legal proceedings. If I were in an interviewee's position, if I sense a poisoning of the well done before I speak, then why should I still speak?

For instance, before Garcillano was given the chance to speak, Opposition senators and representatives have already indicated that if he gave a conclusion which is different from the one they have jumped into, then he is lying. They do not even know the whole conversation! They do not know the whole context! Even the former deputy director of NBI Samuel Ong (was it his name?) indicated he had not released all the tapes/CDs yet!

* * *

There is a saying that I don't remember where I got, "In politics, there is no permanent friend or enemy." Is this true?

If so, does this tell us that politics does not have any values, everything is relative, which tells us that there is no right and wrong?

You will ally yourself with a leftist organization so that you will get some support, then work against them when they have something which is against another case. In a Filipino movie, that would be branded like "no pride." I don't care about the pride, but that is definitely a question on our leader's (political and religious) values. I mean... the religious leaders have a values question?

And we are the only Christian country in Asia!

God help us.

Tired.

I am on the 4th week of being in a special attention due to handling calls for longer than others. The first week was good, the second was not, and neither the third. First day of the fourth, I had an AHT (average handling time) of over 20 minutes. If I continue like this, I might as well not worry how to write a resignation letter. Heheheh.

Seriously speaking, I am tired. I have had good quality feedback/sessions, but it is the time of handling a call that I will get transferred or fired. It is almost unreasonable. But the company has its standards and policies. If they don't appreciate my good performance due to long period of handling calls, working for customer's issues and resolving properly so that they won't need to call again to find out that the solution given to them was only a workaround or bullsh*t (which I never had the problem of using, because I have grown weak in lying), well, so be it. I won't regret being fired by a company that does not appreciate real resolutions and instead works on numbers.

When I started here, and got my fifth-month appraisal, I was impressed with the appraisal method. The combination of the numbers and the personal appreciation by the supervisor made sure that the numbers will not kill a good agent which was suffereing in numbers but is generally efficient and effective. When the supervisor becomes a master of number, however, then you do not have anything to balance the numbers game.

In the next few weeks, I don't know, I guess I have to start finding work. And no longer in this kind of work. It has reduced my learning to speaking into the way the company wants me to speak. There is no "personalization" in my work. There is nothing of me as a human in here.

I think therefore I am from UP

I saw this girl wearing a black shirt. It said:

"There are only two universities in the Philippines:

1. Mapua

2. Others"

Yeah, right.

* * *

Last Tuesday, 06 December 2005, before I watched The Myth (for the --th time), there was a girl in front of me who was wearing a white shirt. From the print on the back of her shirt, I understood she is a college student. The print says:

"I think therefore I am from UP."

The t-shirt reveals she is from UP Manila. Of course, I know this shirt comes only from UP Manila.

Honestly, I am proud I am from UP. If there is anything that UP has taught me, it is two things:

1. To think critically and open-mindedly; and,

2. To work with the primacy of the nation over self-interest.

To print that "I think therefore I am..." is a very selfish, proud attitude that does not represent the identity of the UP: sacrifice, nationhood and unity, being one with the masses, and leadership through serving. True, UP works with academic leadership, but where does that intellect go to? Division, bias and insensitivity to the needs of the country. Where do UP students go? After getting the best education the nation has to offer and given through the taxes of the people, they go to the United States, to the United Kingdom, to become nurses for other countries. Yes, they have families to feed, but is that the real reason?

UP has the Oblation has the symbol of sacrifice for the nation and its people. The professors teach reason, unity with the masses, and putting the people's interest in everything that you do. But what is this elitist behavior in the primary university that is supported by the people it is separating itself from?

UP is quick to criticize the people in the leadership, but where is that criticism going to? Where is the solution? UP, who has "fought" for the rights of the masses, criticized the President, cannot even give the benefits of its own workers!

UP, pity you.

Review: The Myth

I watched it already, and have gone to the moviehouse twice (which means I have paid twice to watch the movie)... but I'm going to watch it still again. That's how good the movie is for me.
What is the story for me?
Jackie Chan plays the role of an archaeologist who [seems to] have lived as a Qin dynasty general. The archaeologist is pulled into an adventure not through his own desire, but through his friend's motive of discovering the secret of anti-gravity phenomenon. In doing so, he gets to follow some steps about the general whom he is always dreaming about, as well as the mysterious princess which the general is protecting. In the end, the two personalities played by Jackie Chan - General Meng-Yi and archaeologist Jack Chan - inconclusively reveal that they are two completely different personalities... Neither is Dr. Jack Chan a descendant nor an exact reincarnation of General Mang Yi.
(I would have thought this way if the movie ends with a direct experiential recollection on Dr. Chan's part, but instead, he categorically denied the connection to the general and even devalued the general's value to the princess.)
In the end, the two characters have been unified through the millenia-lasting life of Princess Ok-Soo, who loved General Meng-Yi all throughout the ages. The quest for material and earthly desire has been the fall of the people, and some myths are better left as such.
Technicals
The film has a lot of neutral to mid-negative reviews, but I am amazed that they took the time to give a review on this one. Hmmm. Try Yahoo and use "jackie chan movie the myth," and you will see what I mean.
For me, the special effects is just appropriate. After all, I would consider that the target audience of this one is not the Westerners who run after light sabers deflecting laser (read: travelling at the speed of light) beams, but Asians that go for values and virtues. The content of violence (and gore) is something you might see in a Dragonball cartoon, not from a Spongebob. For an Asian, I believe this is an awesome movie.
Considering the cultural gap, however, I find that the role of Princess Ok-Soo (Kim Hee Seon) is not properly established. To a Filipino (like me), I only considered the possibility of Ok-Soo's character as a non-Chinese due to the selection of the artist and when I noticed the Hee-Seon's name. I must confess, I don't even know that Hee-Seon is a Korean. I only thought of her name being odd for a Chinese, and I know that Kim is familiar among Koreans. That was about the only clue which gave me the idea that Ok-Soo is not exactly a Chinese. To a layperson, they might be confused why there is a need for a princess to be given to another kingdom's leader as a concubine. History and cultural sensitivity would be tested here among the audience (and of course, what do you expect of the critics who give evaluations without understanding the meaning behind the message). Reading about The Chinese Secret Service and Sun Tzu's Art of War helped me a lot, as well as some general understanding of Asian values.
Anyway, this is a technicals part, so let's go to the technical points.
Sound track - affecting. They blend well with the images and the situation, and enhances the feeling (thus, the word affecting) of the audience.
Performance - I have seen two reviews giving non-positive evaluation on Jackie Chan's roles in this movie - that is, being a familiar Jackie Chan that plays while fighting, and the serious General Meng-Yi who has the wisdom and tradition of his dynasty. Those two seem to say that Jackie Chan here is trying hard. Hmm. I don't know. Although I must confess that considering how old Jackie Chan is in the movie industry (he started with Bruce Lee at least more than a decade ago), it is only a bit challenging for him to switch character role. He was able to play the role of a Chinese general pretty well. Kim Hee-Seon, playing the role of a princess who has been a given as a concubine, acted her role impressively as well. Why impressively? Well, what do you expect of a princess of one kingdom in a royal court (it is not as easy as one imagines) to be a concubine? For her character, I would suppose that even a simple soldier would have impressed her, but early on her meeting with General Meng-Yi, she saw the character he showed in contrast with another fierce fighter (a general who insists she is bethrothed to him). Then the general risked everything to save you? What do you expect of her? Drama should also be taken in its proper context. In this line, I would like to point out also that Stanley Tong captured the heart of the Asian moviegoer with an adequate dose of history blended in the drama.
Sound Effects - Just about ordinary. Good that in the moviehouse where I watched, there was no problem with sounds or playing of the film.
Values - There is a question about why was supergeneral Meng-Yi given a superhorse. Why not? Also, this is not a movie about human weaknesses, but about human strengths (why would you entitle a movie 'myth' if the reality is about human perception of weakness?). The Asian does not strive for human side of superheroes (which is nowadays prevalent in Western superhero portrayals, such as Smallville, Batman and Spider-Man), but what human strength can achieve. Westerners seem to seek excuse for failure or sin, Asians understand the weakness but fight to be victors.
Favorites
I have three favorite scenes in the film. My most favorite is the ice mountain scene, when Ok-Soo discovered Meng-Yi frozen standing guard for her. After saving her life with his own dual sacrifice (he chose to surrender his sword, almost a disgrace for an Asian general, than to continue fighting the two remaining enemy soldiers), Ok-Soo returns the favor by saving his life from certain death with the warmth of her body.


Ok-Soo's dance after the mountain. The music is excellent. I am just wondering if it is Korean or Chinese...

Lastly, there is the challenge for the two protagonists to fulfill their responsibilities or to give in to their personal desires. In a Western movie, this would have been played with something like, "How about me?" Here, although the two characters have similar personal desires, one person opted to correct the situation for the general good, and the other agreed out of love.

Here in the Philippines
I am sad about the unimpressive marketing here in the Philippines. Actually, I had no plan of watching the movie when I thought about it. I watched it last Friday so that I could watch another movie (Pride) with a friend the next day - I am glad I watched it that day because I watched it twice that day. The next day, I did not watch Pride. I watched The Myth again.
Questions
There are just some questions I have on the story... I mean, I think a side-story could be made without destroying the essence created here. There is a good opportunity for a sequel. Hmmm.. I just wonder...
For some links about the movie, I have set some links on my previous post.

The Myth OST

Endless Love
(Theme Song From The Myth)

Sung by Jackie Chan and Kim Hee-Seon
JC:
Release me from this mysterious waiting
The stars are falling; the wind is blowing.
Finally I can hold you in my arms.
Two hearts beating together.
Believe me that my heart is never-changing
Waiting a thousand years.
You have my promise
Despite many bitter winters, I never let you go.
Kim:
Close your eyes and tightly grab my hands.
Please recall the past - the days we were in love.
We loved each other too much,
It is sorrowful that we can't even say "I love you."
JC:
Every night my heart aches.
I never stop thinking of you.
I am used to being alone for such a long time
And I face it with a smile.
Believe me, I choose to wait.
Even though it's painful, I won't leave.
Only your tenderness can save me from the endless cold.
Kim:
Close your eyes and tightly grab my hands.
Please recall the past - the days we were in love.
We loved each other too much,
It is sorrowful that we can't even say "I love you."
JC and Kim:
Let love be a blossoming flower in our hearts.
We can pass through time, never bowing our heads,
And never giving up our dream.
Kim:
We loved each other too much,
That is the source of our pain.
It is sorrowful that we can't even say "I love you."
JC and Kim:
Let love be a blossoming flower in our hearts.
We can pass through time, never bowing our heads,
And never giving up our dream.
Kim (in Korean) and JC (in Chinese:
We never forget our promise.
Kim and JC:
Only true love follows us as we pass through time.
Kim:
We can't even say "I love you."
JC:
The love we have in our hearts is the only never-changing myth.

From http://www.jackiechan.com/latestnews/newsarchive200508.htm

I also posted a copy of the Korean version (which was the one which was played in the Philippines when it was shown here) in my multiply.com site.

A Korean lyrics (with the English translation) is available in this site: http://jackiechanmusic.com/lyrics/karaoke/gif/myth-chin.korean.gif

Ain't it not obvious? I've been terribly affected by this movie... I just don't know why. The adventure? The kind of love they exhibited? I don't know...

Related Links:

Wikipedia. An article about the film

JackieChan.com - Movie Video (you need iTunes installed on your computer)

ent.sina.com - Theme Song music video... just be patient, though.

The review is to come yet.

Chinese Day and The Myth

Last Friday, I had a "Chinese Day" for myself. I started the day by getting my ATM from the bank, which was Chinabank. Before I went to the office (to visit a colleague), I ate in Chowking. When I went to the office, I talked for a while with a Filipino-Chinese friend. The last activity of mine outside the house was watching an awesome Chinese movie, The Myth, starred by Jackie Chan and Kim Hee Seon.
(More on The Myth later)
All throughout the day, I brought my book The Chinese Secret Service.
Suddenly, I felt myself being pulled by the Chinese culture. Not that it is bad, but I liked Japanese culture better before. Now, I don't understand it, but I feel a rush of emotion everytime I remember even just the music of the dance of Kim Hee Seon.
* * *

The Myth, I don't know why, impacted me so much. I almost cannot sleep. I watched it twice - meaning, I went to the moviehouse AND paid to watch it twice. I don't know just why. I appreciate everything about it, considering that it is not so much of effects. Of course, I normally like military movies. I appreciate the occassional cultural movies, but this one's effect on me is beyond everything I have had before (I have thought before, in Titanic, Why would I go to the moviehouse twice and pay just to watch a movie? I didn't think I would eat my words on that point.). I remember the romance and the legend of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the music of Chinese tunes of Sunday mornings when I was a kid (which I never appreciated), but in this movie, they are combined with awesome effect! The music is PERFECT! I hope to write a review about it here or on my other website...
* * *
Hmmm... I am wondering, what is happening to people's relationships these days? Cannot they be content that they have people? I guess it is hard to accept the weakness of people? But is not that accepted when you say you 'love' the person?
* * *
More on The Myth later.

Future UPM ROTC: Inspection of Officers

June, 2018 - After three years, the UP Manila students who lived their three years as cadet officers in UP Diliman ROTC Unit has started their own corps - again - and re-starting the first training day of the UP Manila ROTC after 15 years no training.

The training did not change much - there is still the high standards of performance, strictness of cadet officers, and high level of professionalism and camaraderie between officers and rank and file.

0530H - The Corps G1 called the formation of the Cadet Officers' Corps in the Headquarters and Formation Area (in front of the former SSWC and now UP Manila Gymnasium). The Corps G1 gave reminders to prepare everything and make final checks for uniform and necessary training and miscellaneous items. In addition, all mobile phones are to be turned to vibration or silent mode. A necessary reminder these days, but not to the Corps of Officers - however, no room for mistakes are to be taken for granted by the Corps G1 who is also the Corps Adjutant.

The Corps G1 shouted ZHUN! The Corps Executive Officer went in. Less than two seconds, he also shouted ZHUN! and the Corps G1 dropped his hand from the salute and went to attention. The Corps Commander joined the formation and returned the salute of the Corps Executive Officer. The Corps Executive Officer went at the back of the formation of the 15 cadet officers, while the Corps G1 walked towards the Corps Commander who walked towards the formation. The Corps G1 gave his salute to the Corps Commander who returned the ceremonial gesture.

The Officer's FIA (Formation, Inspection and Administration) is an informal version of the unit FIA. Instead of the sergeant calling out the formation of the cadets, the cadet officers go to the formation at the designated inspection time (normally, 0530H). The class system persists here. Fourth classmen are expected to be at the area 15 minutes before the time; third classmen, 10 minutes; second classmen, 5 minutes; and the first class, on time.

The Corps Commander has the option of doing the inspection himself (common during special activities, like presentations and parades) or assign the Corps G1 to do it for him (common during regular training day). In either case, the standards and articles are never changed, and they are the same whatever class you are.

Standards mean you do things properly, snappily and professionally. Articles mean the specific items that are being observed, such as the uniform, shiny brass articles, charoled boots, and clean and properly arranged "miscellaneous" items (a misnomer, since miscellaneous items are required during inspection). The beret or the head gear is to be properly worn, measured to the width of the fingers. The marine press should be sharp, almost like a blade. The gloves should be impeccably clean.

The fourth classmen are inspected first (Before even entering the first semester, they have already undergone COCC training so that they would have ready knowledge on leadership and military business when they go on their first training day.). The arrangement of the officers is such that the lower classmen cannot observe the inspection being done on their upperclassmen. Thus, the fourth classmen stand up in front, the second row is the third classmen, then the second classmen, and lastly, the first classmen. The class commanders become squad leaders in this non-square formation.

With the Corps Commander being a communication student, he decided on applying some communication strategies in the training day with his officers. At the start of the first training day, all cadet officers are to wear their unit's respective UP uniforms.

The cadet officers of the Rayadillo Honor Guards wore their uniform in full dress - down to brand new white gloves, polished charoled shoes and untarnished metal articles. The Corps Commander gave the familiar test to the breast plate of the fourth class Rayadillo officer: a breath. Good, thought the Corps Commander. The battalion commander and the company commanders wore the guinnet cap, while the platoon leaders wore the maroon and blue berets, for the Alfa and Bravo Companies respectively.

The Kampilan Battle Group cadet officers wore combat fatigue uniforms, or CFU. With a different kind of material used, it is essentially like a tropical fatigue uniform (TFU) tucked inside the pants, and the lower garment without the six-pockets. The Corps G1 noted how the Corps Commander glided his fingers on the marine press, one of the main attractions of the CFU when properly prepared and worn. While the Rayadillo officers brought their swords, the cadet officers of the Kampilan Battle Group would wear their CFU on rolled sleeves. They all wear the KBG's unit seal on the green beret, a symbol of camaraderie with their men - and women.

Next is the Service Support Unit. The only cadet unit which has its commander no higher than a third classman, all the section or team leaders are fourth class cadet officers. They are wearing either CFU or TFU - depending on the teams they are heading -  all on rolled sleeves.

The third classmen came next. The class commander is a Rayadillo cadet officer, Alfa Company Commander (maroon beret). After properly doing the inspection word, the Corps Commander took note of the uniform. He also looked on the shoulder ranks - three brass circles, all shiny.

The Strike Force unit commander, one of the two special operations teams of the UP Manila ROTC, goes with his own uniform: black TFU lower garment (six-pockets), black sweatshirt with "tactical paddings" on the elbows, pistol belt and black combat boots, and black beret with the Strike Force patch.

The commander of the Rescue Operations Team (the real name is Counter-Revolutionary Warfare Development Group, SF's anti-thesis unit), is wearing the Urban Patrol Modification of the CFU (UPM-CFU). It is essentially the black version of the CFU, except it has a unit designation on the person's right breast, the unit's euphimistic name, RESOPS. Since they are doing some exercise today with the Strike Force and not on a "training mode" day (meaning, the cadet officers are training the cadet enlistees), the officers are wearing the UPM-CFU with unrolled sleeves. They are also wearing black padded gloves. Their head gear is the black beret, but it does not contain any patch (The G2, a tactical officer of the unit, advised the Special Operations Company Commander to put this beret on the team due to their dual role - liaison unit, which, in the past, was fulfilled by Civic Welfare Service Company. Its uniform was T-Fatigue, with a black beret for its head gear.).

Service Support Group commander wears a regular CFU, very much.

The second class cadet officers, mostly unit commanders, were inspected next. Like the third classmen, the class commander is from the Rayadillo Honor Guards. He is the battalion commander of that unit, and thus wears a guinnet cap.

The class executive officer is also an executive officer of the Kampilan Battle Group. He is also wearing training-style CFU. As a senior officer of the Kampilan Battle Group, he is also a prominent officer of the Special Operations Company (which is under the Kampilan Battle Group). Since there is no training for Strike Force or Blue Light cadets, he will focus on training of KBG for today.

The Special Operations Company unit commander follows. He is wearing not UPM-CFU, but regular CFU. This is because he will be assisting the KBG cadet officers in training new cadets, and his identity as the commander of the unknown unit is known (Instead, he is officially designated as a CMO Officer, a "coordinating office" between Corps G2 and Corps G7.). In addition, the SOC Commander is under the office of the Corps G2, although for organizational purposes, the unit is under KBG.

First classmen at the last line need just minimal inspection, since their uniform have less things to inspect. They are wearing summer attire, since they will be switching places, between office and field areas, rather frequently.

After the Corps Commander concludes the inspection, the Corps G1 request for permission to leave his presence and call the corps of officers to attention. The Corps Commander will stay at the back. The Corps G1, after calling the attention, will go back to his position at the back of the unit. The Corps Commander will call the Corps Staff for any announcements not given the night before or the Tuesday CQ before that Sunday. The Corps Commander starts almost always with the Corps G1, unless there is a special activity, during which the Corps Commander may call on the project COIC instead.

What if I am not of truth?

Everyday, when I go home, I think, where am I going? Where is my life going? What is my purpose? Is there a sense in asking? I ask myself, When will God allow me to serve His purpose? I know God listens, but what is His answer?

* * *

I am tired.

* * *

Is the lack of motivation a motivation in itself?

* * *

What if I am not the true person people know?

What if I am not the very gentleman that you know?

What if I have every evil in my head and in my heart, and that all the good thing I am showing is for a selfish motive I am patiently brewing...

Would you like me?

What if I am not the virgin that you think?

What if I am just a loser in relationships?

What if I am a patient suicide killer, that even my own sanity cannot control?

What if I am a corrupted person that has known all things that evil could conceive?

Why did you like me?

I cannot imagine you even determining that I exist in this world...

What if all of these things are true and I never told them to you?

* * *

I want to watch the Gundam Seed Destiny episodes ASAP.

I have a lot to catch up on my Japanese lessons and intelligence studies.

Persons and Values

Before I got to sleep last night (err... morning), I thought of some specific people who have made an impact on my life. I would like to remember first the ladies. Ladies first.

Sheryl - A lowerclass sponsor who understands what I've been through, understands how I think (I think), and does not give me any special treatment.

Anne - A girl who has been a good friend, one whom I treated as a best friend, who is an expert in flirting, good thing they do not have real effect on me.

Vanessa - A brod who has treated me like her own blood-brother. She's understood my experiences and knows perfectly my standards and expectations.

Lissa - A person who is not exactly the same generation as I am, but I am grateful for her patience and care. Shows.

Ruth - A sister that has brought me a lot of troubles and problems. She has accepted me for who I am and I have done the same for her.

These are just a few of the things I appreciate of these values. I thank God these persons got into my life.

People Come and Go

Initiative vs. Roles. Yes. An irony of the various values of life. Accept your roles in  life, or take initiative and make changes to society for its development? How do you settle the two important concepts of living a life on earth? Is life for development, or for accepting your purpose?

* * *

Dream and Purpose. Another paradox. I dream of being something for myself, but I believe that I have a different purpose. I dream of two things: to be a teacher of God's Word, and a teacher of my career in communication, or a trainor. Not significantly different, but they are of different worlds. Can purpose be settled?

* * *

Accepting weakness against Development. Yes. Like initiative vis-a-vis roles, do you pursue development, or strive for people to accept you for who you are? Vice versa, do you strive to develop a person you love, or do you accept them for who they are? Sounds easy for other people, but, really, is it easy to balance? Is there a common ground?

* * *

You have to accept it. People come and go out of your life. People you love, people you put in high regard, people you value. Things come and go, but it is more difficult to realize and accept that people do come and go. They ravish you with flowery words, making you appreciate yourself in doing something for them, but after what you have done, you are like you never even existed in their life.

Accept it. People come and go.

* * *

The day before yesterday, (Sunday morning, I think), I was on the bus when I heard a very familiar song. It was one of the favorite songs of my buddy, She. I just got heard it before when I was in the Corps without listening. Even when we were in the parade and I was giving my lady sponsor the kiss (to the hand), I did not put it in my heart. That day, when I was in the bus, I was able to understand a bit why my brod liked it and decided to use it as the theme song for our Presentation of Sponsors.

Part of the song goes something like this:

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast

May turn each day into a heaven or a hell

She may be the mirror of my dreams

The smile reflected in a stream

She may not be what she may seem

Inside her shell

Intent and Objective

Just coming from a rest day, it has been 'fun'. I went nowhere, instead stayed at home. I slept at night, and slept at ciesta time. By the time I was drafting my blog entry, I took a bath since I didn't take a bath for the two days I did not go out. I feel refreshed.

* * *

It was not just the bath and two rest days which made me feel fresh and better, but rather the 30-minute discussion with God and meditation. It was very insightful, that Friday afternoon.

* * *

It started with a reading of John Maxwell's Leadership devotional book. The entry was about Christian leadership and the critical questions they face, whther they like to or not:

What is your dream?

What drives you?

What makes you happy?

* * *

About a week ago, an opening for a supervisor position came up. I was one of the first in our team to learn of it (Even the Team Manager has only sent the message the day after I read it.). I thought I'd like to give it a try.

Of course, before I decided, I considered some things. What team is the supervisor position for? Can I handle the responsibility? Do I fulfill the requirements? Of the questions answerable by "Yes" or "No," it was yes.

I was geared and disturbed at the same time about this situation. I wanted to apply if this is not the same team I am currently working as a tier 1 agent, but I thought of my reason if I were to apply for that job.

* * *

Day before I read the opening, I prayed to God that may He provide me some form of motivation tgo stay in the company. The stress level due to the work itself as well as the demand of our supervisor, plus my own standard of performance, are pushing me to the edge. I have given myself just two distinct deadlines for staying (paying my credit to a co-worker, and getting the bonus), and even those I am not sure. I want to leave this work and get to an easier one.

* * *

On my way home, I thought, however, when I was in college, I wanted a job that is challenging. Is the absence of motivation a challenge in itself? That moment, low on morale, I decided it was not worth a motivation or challenge. Goal and situation don't equate with the prize.

Not even learning and development were good enought. I was all that bad and demotivated. I do not even see myself improving. The highlight of my experience in my transfer were being barged and given realtime instructions to transfer the call to senior agents. I don't know how they could thing it is positively reinforcing agent performance. This team is working on the numbers, not the people. Ironically, that's what the company's name is all about.

That's how and why I thought of the idea of applying for the supervisor position.

A position where I could have an easier job and pursue my dream of being a teacher, because of relaxed standards, which would allow me to get a master's course next incoming school year.

I even thought I could do godly deeds being a teacher, but no. My mind was simply reacting to stress and environment, not properly and prudently responding.

* * *

The questions I read in the leadership devotional put everything back to its proper perspective.

The motivation for leadership is service, not self-centered goals.

The motivation for living is God's purpose. You're important, but you really rely on God.

Everything will come at its proper time, and God will make you ready first.

God will use you. Do not use God.

Faith in God is a life, not just a part of your day, not even just a way of life. Live your life in that life you decided to live.

* * *

After this, I sent a messagte to my baby sister. I have to get back on track of my roles in people's lives.

* * *

Trying to sleep, I thought, what type of person should I pursue for a girl friend? From common experience, model type, or friend? I do not know. I ddecided finally, I'll let God handle that. That's not one of my expertiese.

Inside and outside the Corps

"Pulutong, lumansag!" (Platoon, dismissed.)

After that command, we scrambled to get out of SSWC. The third class cadet officer told us that after he dismisses us, we must be outside of UP premises within five seconds.

After getting out of the CN gate, we exchanged numbers. I didn't have a mobile phone, so I gave the number of our house.

During COCC training, we never called anybody in our class.

We went home exhausted, getting a glimpse of the future four or so years - not in ROTC, but in UP.

Being a cadet officer is a lifestyle in UP Manila.

* * *

I have a 7:30AM class in Spanish I the next day, and I thought it would be like the other days I had before ROTC. But no. It's different.

It was very different.

I walked differently, that's for sure. I had to walk straight, I'm afraid cadet officers would see me slouching my way in college. I imagined myself being shouted at by a Co in the college, and I have to talk to him or her in FULL attention. I have to minimize the chance of a CO seeing me in a way they should not.

That way of walking, plus a couple (or company) of cadets who saw me the previous day, with their lady classmates, gave another difference. I didn't hear whispers like, "That man is a COC," or something, but I could see their eyes looking, I could now feel their glance at my back.

I have been marked.

Talk about not letting anyone know I was in COCC.

After waiting for a few minutes outside the classroom - we had to wait for the utility personnel to open the classrooms - we went inside. In our block, there were 5 guys. Four freshmen, 1 graduating. The rest of the 30-strong class is girls. Of the four freshman guys, only I was taking COCC.

So that I would not be tempted not to listen, I sat at the front. I have to take this seriously. We were told we have to maintain a grade in our acads to maintain officership.

I remembered our lesson in military correspondence. It included the last day of request for transfer (RTU) - or quitting. I thought, I'll give it another try.

* * *

In Philosophy I, our teacher did not attend class, because was the first time we met (a tradition being held religiously by professors). At that moment a group of students asked if they could do RTR (room to room, or give a speech in class). They all wore smilies and were very friendly, except this one suave guy who is observing me intently (he gives a smile to other people, though). What is this guy thinking?

All the other girls and guys spoke at the front. Student elections, that is what this is all about. The party was Katipunan.

The tall guy sat beside me and listened to his co-members. Is this a fratman who wants to recruit me? Why? Can't he see my thin and small body? I'm a useless comrade in a rumble, and I'm not going to make myself a slave for an honorless society (notice the qualification, though). Or is this a recruiter for this leftist organization?

"Nag-a-ROTC ka ba?" (Are you taking ROTC?) the guy asked first without looking at me, then turned his head with full attention.

"Oo" (Yes), I answered.

"Kilala mo ba ako?" (Do you know who I am?)

"Hindi po," (No, with a touch of respect.).

"Jury," he said, while tapping my shoulder. "Raya ako dati. Kumusta mo ako kina Joe." (I was with Raya before. Say hi to Joe for me.)

"COCC ako," I thoughtlessly blurted out, feeling a sense of superiority. Raya ka lang pala, eh. Mas Mataas ako sa'yo (In the future, I would ask for a 'wish' from this guy).

"Galingan mo," (Do good,) Jury said. Somehow, I felt a sense of real appreciation from this guy. I felt guilty for my feeling of competitive pride (I felt fear when I learned later who he really was.).

When he spoke, all the girls in our class were really listening., He has the looks, and he has the solid confidence that was a mix of his looks and a sense of competent authority. I only know of one fraternity that has a competent training for its members: Upsilon Sigma Phi (at least, that was what I thought then). So that's who this guy, I thought.

The way he spoke it, it was like he knows everyone in this class. He has complete control of the situation. He knows when to be funny, and when it is serious he could pull the class to his objective. I didn't think a guy in college could influence people this way.

When he was done, he thanked everyone for listening. They went out of the room for the next room. He let the others walk out of the room first.

When they went out, the girls and boys in our class were solid for this party (considering most of them were "coño").

* * *

With a coño set of blockmate, I could not go anywhere but wherever they are going. They, or we, went to this rather classy place (for that time), Manila Midtown Inn (as I remember). The price was competitive, to say the least, but it was my whole week's worth of money for that day's lunch. Tomorrow, I have to eat monay and softdrinks for lunch (on that day, I looked forward to transferring to PLM, where I thought I could save).

We had steak. It was the first time I ate that kind of dish. That day, I thought, I'll be separate from these people when I eat.

That "separation" started there, like a Pharisee, I separated myself to a purpose that at first was selfish, but became a call of duty.

All COs are called to be separate. They are indeed chosen to be separate.

* * *

Our last class for the first day is Mathematics 1.

Our teacher is challenging one for me. He is very mild-mannered, he is very intent in his words, he is very prudent in his writing. In short, he is boring. My last teacher in high school mathematics was very orderly, but he was able to maintain an air of openness and welcomeness for questions in the class. In this class, the boredom gags my mouth. I want to get out of this room ASAP!

Math 1 as a subject is very challenging itself for me. I cannot define its scope. It's like a UP-twisted elementary education mathematics.

I looked out of the window and saw the top part of the Supreme Court building. Do the judges need math? Do business people in communication need math?

I need math. In order to pass the course, I have to pass all my subjects. I have to love it. Why should I think of the hardships when I used to play with numbers like licking my lips - that's how easy math was for me.

I looked on the blackboard - and despair. What kind of math is this? This is worse than our Philo I class!

* * *

On my way out of the school, I looked on a poster of the student election parties. It looked like there are three types of parties. The activist, the conservative, and the midway.

The Katipunan represents the organizations that are radical, activist and "pro-masses." AESOP is the other end - conservative, rational, pro-status quo. ASAP is somewhere in the middle.

I remembered Jury being under the Katipunan's slate for CAS. I looked for his profile since it lists the highlights of academic and social achievements. The last item reads: "Cadet Officer, Rayadillo Company."

First Man In

I am quite surprised to hear from unexpected people them wanting to meet me. Really. I have come to expect that these people only contact me when they need help... Which is the reason when they contact me, I have already a feeling that they are in trouble again. Bad way of thinking - lack of faith - but understand my human weakness as well.

* * *

Dreaming. When I was a kid - or until the time when I was in second year college - I used to dream of myself flying. Really. It's like I have experienced what flying in the sky feels - not sitting inside a helicopter or an airplane. Really flying in the sky, rather, like Superman.

Nowadays, I remember those dreams only. I don't understand two things: why I dream those things, and why the thought have come to me these days as well. I want to understand why. It's like they are so important.

I believe they tell something about me, how I behave, or how I view life, or whatever. It tells something that I may not notice of myself but I know is criticial to my being.

* * *

Numbered Days. Yes. I have complained for the last 1 or 2 posts, and I feel now that I am ready to plunge into the unknown. I have done my best, but I feel like my efforts are going nowhere. I'm not improving. And I can't find a method of improving. It's like trying to improve is putting myself in danger or further collapse.

* * *

I read an article in "This day in history" over the Internet. The article was about Israel and Palestine's road to peace. Wow. The road to peace should not be guarded by arms and munitions, but glittered with laurel of peace. How about peace of mind, and internal, personal peace?

* * *

You have to do your work. And the pressure is present. Now, you have to be patted at the back, with a smile, and be sent a pop-up on you computer that you are not doing well.

O well. It's not her fault. It's all my fault. To a purpose that I still cannot understand.

* * *

First man in. First man out?

I am one of the first people who volunteered to this team. I volunteered without knowing if people would go with me. I didn't care about other people. I wanted to improve, I wanted to tell people that people in my previous team were not as incompetent as they think. No, we are competent like them. Multi-tasking? Just another skill to be learned. But technicial proficiency and skill competency? At the very least, equal.

Now, I have to wonder if I would be the first man out. That's not the correct procedure in a battle. In an invasion, the first man in is actually the last man out of an area - whether the mission has been aborted or if the mission has been continued and concluded. I feel like a soldier in a battlefield that has seen the giants and trembled in fear.

Or, have grown tired of the wrong intelligence provided by higher headquarters.

D*mn.

 

Pressure

It is hard. I could hardly feel anything good or positive. It is hard (again). I don't feel I am doing anything good. It makes me sad.

I work on the premise of making myself competent, proficient, or I know that there is something good that I would achieve. Here in Cable Voice, I could hardly feel that. I don't see any improvement in my stat... and not only I know or observe that. My supervisor also could tell. Well, it's his job. I am sad about this. I don't like myself pulling the team down. I don't understand. I could almost say I am ashamed of myself, but it's just I have this sort of feeling that if I continue to thread this hard waters, I could finish and survive... Yes, right now, it is just a matter of surviving. A lot of heavy hits that I don't know how to survive through.

* * *

I dreamt of a very dear friend... and the dream wasn't so good. It was scary. Scary for her... I think. I tried to call her so that I could just ask about her, but I could not call her number, always not available. Whatever.

* * *

Joke Time: Bob couldn't believe it -- he'd made it to the last round of his favorite game show.

Congratulations, Bob," said the emcee. "Answer correctly and you go home with five million dollars!

"This is a two-part question on American history," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"

Bob figured he'd play it safe. "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."

The emcee nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.

"Okay, Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

* * *

Another favorite advertisement: Chippy (the dance number, particularly).

* * *

I have to go now. Later.

Lord, Take Charge!

Wow, I took note of the last time I posted to my blog before my first entry for September. I didn't post a single entry for AUGUST! Wow, work is really hard. I can't believe it I am surviving. To all my readers, work here in cable TS/CS/IS/Sales is really hard. I could miss Kana this way.

Anyway, as a result, there are a lot of things I want to talk about in this blog. I don't know how long this post would result, but this post would definitely have a lot of things I would like to talk about for the past month - those that I could remember, anyway.

* * *

It is challenging to determine what path to take - the concept of individuality and responsibility versus submission and reliance to God. It takes a deep understanding of the Scriptures and the meaning of Jesus' death to understand how to live your life. In my case, I have to know if I did make the proper decision. And even in my current attempts to file a leave, I have to follow God's will and let God take charge of my life - including my wish to take a leave from work.

First days of my training, my batch in training was pissing me - really. I wanted to quit and just shout at them that What are you doing this for? They were pissing me in ways that I really could not understand why are they doing the things they were doing when all that I was trying to do is pass through the course and make sure that I was learning something - particularly those that I really need to learn. I cannot brag that I am intelligent - I can only brag that I want to learn and that I want to push myself to learn because I am not a person of intelligence and memory storage. They were making fun of me... I don't know why, and until now, I don't know.

One day, I went to the wash room and went to one cubicle. In stress and emotional frustration, I burst my tears. I cried to God, "Lord, why am I here? Why am I experiencing this? Am I not doing my best, which is what you want? Why do I have this experience? I am humble, why do I have these experience? have I not been courteous and helpful to them?"

I also experienced failure in exam. It's also something I almost can't accept. But I learned its purpose.

After releasing that tension inside me (it was night, after training, and I have a batchmate whom I go home with), I went to the lower level - the place where I came from (with regards to work). A good friend allowed me to express my frustration and disgust with my batchmates (not all of them, but those close to me whom I made the stupid mistake of making expectations), and explained to me a few lesson about human relations. Better not to make the point written here - but it thought me not to make myself vulnerable.

* * *

I wanted to file a leave, and for four attempts, I failed. I don't understand why. I really feel I need the leave - aside from the fact that I want to go to the activity of our alumni organization. All four times, my attempts were disapproved - someone else had taken the minimal slot. I don't understand - at first.

I understood later what was happening: God is taking charge of this important aspect of my work (my leaves). God is reserving this thing for something more important and in which it would be more useful. I have accepted God's wisdom on this. I decided to simply continue trying to apply for leave. God would allow me when I needed it, really.

* * *

I watched two days ago a movie called "Along Came Polly." The intro highlighted a reality of life.

Ben Stiller (the character, that is) has just married the "Grace" in Will and Grace. They went to their honeymoon somewhere. In that first day of honeymoon, a nudist scuba-enthusiast Frenchman went by and invited them to scuba diving. "Grace" got to, but Ben was not into the idea - he's not fond of scuba diving. He decided to leave his wife with the guy since the activity he thought he could trust his wife.

He was dead wrong.

When he returned to the Frenchman's yacht, he could hear the flipper slapping the metal railing of the yacht while the French guy is on top of "Grace" - doing what you think they are doing, and something Ben didn't think his husband would do. I could almost feel the hair at my nape standing in dread.

It is difficult to trust. A woman, somehow, even more difficult. I maybe a chauvinist. I don't know. It was a comedy film, I know, but it is a story that is not exactly impossible. I have experienced something similar to that (Ben Stiller's character, that is). Don't ask how.

* * *

How can you trust God when you don't trust people? It's a paradox for me.

* * *

Human relations are very much uncertain - you can never be certain. You only rely on God and on His designated purpose for you.

* * *

I recently had the opportunity to talk to my DBM friends again, and in a rare chance, I loved talking about national issues (which I feel disgust with when I get to read the headlines of newspapers). The topic started early in our time together - Culture vis-a-vis National Development.

The discussion started (as I remember) with the lights being prepared for the Christmas season. It became a sample of a tradition that seems to be hindering national development (actually, in part of national government's policy of saving energy).

My friend thought that Philippine traditions (and its general concept, in turn, culture) hinders national development. She thought of the idea as a possible topic for her master's thesis.

I responded that if she were knowledgeable of intercultural concepts, she would have already gotten the answer to that: No. Intercultural advocates determined the reason was from something else. But I could not answer the real source just yet.

Now, I remember the answer (I actually sent a text message to her of the summary already):

It's not culture that is hindering national development (but I would not argue if the idea is tradition) - because with culture comes reason and intent. I doubt if the Filipinos then and now have every intent of making the country and the Filipino people suffer. Tradition is a different thing, though. Tradition is simply the act of doing something that has been always done before.

It is the corruption of the reason or the values of the people. With culture comes the reason, and the reasons are the values system of the people. When people decided that they want to think this way to make this thing happen, that is when values become corrupted - the reason is forgotten, and only a twisted form of the previous action is retained.

* * *

I didn't think my listing of topics was of any form, but when I looked on my list of topics (from my notebook), I was surprised to see this topic as related to the previous entry: Choosing between two good options.

I want to make decisions that are right and godly. On situations when the two choices are both not evil, or both are proper, a minor dilemma comes in. What do I do?

The answer should come from the one that was the source of hindrance in the previous topic - reason and purpose. What do I intent to do with a certain decision or course of action? If it is selfish or evil, even if the course of action is good, it should not be the choice that I should choose.

* * *

Vulnerable guy. That is what I am. I don't want girls being close to me or touching me - I am vulnerable in that - to take the signals wrongly. I have to always maintain the control of my head that, No, this girl is not giving any signals... Girls are just like that nowadays - touchy without meaning anything, not considering that guys nowadays interpret it as they are interested to the guy.

* * *

As I have mentioned earlier, however,

No amount of words, quality of expression, sincerity of sacrifice, or strength of love and action, can make a person understand if she does not want to.

The sparkle of the eyes says a lot... if a person only wants to listen.

Perfect

I am not perfect. A lot of people see a very good image of me, even though I am trying (somehow) to express to them that I am not that good (though I want to be). When I express that I am seeing some girl as beautiful, they ask if I am sick. I am not perfect. I am a man. I appreciate beauty. I do not lust over women, but I appreciate (and I appreciate my self for appreciating) women and beauty. I am perhaps very judging (according to my MBTI typology test, I am "judging").

* * *

Work is very tiring. I have to determine what course of action I have to take. I have to determine what post-graduate course I would take. Law is both a tempting and challenging object, but I have to count the cost. It is not looking good.

* * *

I do not want to talk about politics in this blog (even though I have done in the past). I want to focus on personal/interpersonal/behavioral concerns.

* * *

I like the television commercial of Lucky Me Instant Pancit Canton (I am not advertising the product, I would like to clarify). I like the way the project manager (if that is what it was) conceptualized the role and character of Lucky and Edu Manzano. The characters are very effective in appealing to the television viewer.

* * *

I also like the PR (public relations) effort of PLDT with DILG. "Walang kinikilala ang mga kriminal, pero puwede mo silang kilalanin," or something like that.

* * *

Freedom.

* * *

I have a lot of things to say, but my list is not with me. Next time.

* * *

I hope to update my UPM CO blog. I need more time. Maybe on Friday.

* * *

Last Friday night, I went out with my friends in DBM. The group was very fun. While we were just in the cab (we were going to Yellow Cab), we talked about the politics - the 'feature' of the group. It was intellectually arousing. I missed that group. I hope we could go out again.

Difficulties

Pure, Proper and Complete.
Useless.
* * *
It's been a long while since I was able to add an entry here. Spammers have even used this to advertise. I hate it.
* * *
Being in the voice contact point is very challenging. I have to re-consider the wisdom of volunteering here, but I guess I have considered properly the options, factors and viewed outcomes.
* * *
Useless. It is useless. It is proper not to look to far into the future, nor make any prophecies.
"... where there there are prophecies, they will cease..." (1 Cor 13:8b NIV).
* * *
I have found a person that I didn't think I would see again - not because he is good in hiding, but I have almost lost my interest in finding him. But just out of the blue, out of an unlikely situation, we have met.
And I thank God I have seen him. Now, we're back in contact.
I have to develop the organizational website again. heheheh.
* * *
Interest in learning is important so that any small number or quantity of inputs grows into a form that is so far from the small input - like a seed that becomes a tree. That's what I hope to come to. And that's what I hope to have some particular people come to so that they would learn and appreciate learning.
Learning is not easy - but no valuable thing is ever free. Except for salvation.
* * *
When would I give up? Soon.

UP in the corporate environment

This must be challenging. I volunteered for Voice Cable, but now, I feel like I am slowing down the class. Not because I don't understand the lessons, but because I have experience which contradict the lessons.
* * *
I know a lot because of experience. I don't understand why other people don't have such experiences. But I guess it's part of my contra-inferiority complex working.
* * *
The people I admire are really working, just in ways not with me. But I still admire them. It's because of such character that I admire them.
* * *
An individual in a relationship is not always happy in a relationship. But it is not because solely of happiness that a person enters into a relationship - but rather because of love and committment.
* * *
Training is stressful if you get involved well. It's like being in love, I guess.

Monthsary

I was wondering before why people in the Philippines celebrate "monthsary" - that is, why do they celebrate a relationship for persisting for only a month. I thought, "Don't these people expect their relationship to last for at least a year?" I mean, shouldn't relationships be measured in years and not months?

The concepts of loyalty, faithfulness and patience run strong inside me. For me, if you do not want to commit to a relationship (and I mean commit) that has its responsibilities, considering the character of the person you would be going into a relationship with, then you should not get into it in the first place. It would be a waste of time and emotion, for me.

Are people so low in character, nowadays, that staying in a relationship for a month is already feat? I learned, probably. And there also other factors.

I got myself (or maybe, coerced a person to join me) into a sort of compromise agreement in relationship. I refer to it personally as a compromise agreement because, as I mentioned earlier, a relationship entails a set of responsibilities and expectations. The relationship I got into only has one rule - no committment.

I learned immediately the moment she agreed of the dilemma I got myself into - I violated my own "policies," and I saw a relationship that is bound to fall. Before, when I thought of a future relationship, I thought it would endure. My first should be my only and my last. With the relationship I got into, it was like I asked someone to have a revolver loaded with one bullet, but I am not certain if that person would really put a bullet in the gun. Everytime I pull the trigger, I don't know if I would be able to live and wait for the next pulling of the trigger.

People nowadays perhaps realize (including me) that a relationship is not as easy as two people getting into a "yes" or "I agree." They consider the other person. They consider the weaknesses of the other person, as well as their strengths. They consider what may have happened in the past that may affect the present or is currenty affecting the present. They consider the level of committment between them. They also consider what they have gone through before. Why go into a relationship that is almost bound to hurt them both?

I do not like 1 Corinthians 13 - it's so much a cliche on Biblical reference on love. But just this once, I have to use it. Because it is what I used to go through the clouds of doubt and fear that I have for my relationship with her.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (1 Corinthians 13:8 NIV)

If you fear of the future, then that fear will eat you alive.

If you rely on senseless words (arguments and quarrels), love will not grow.

If you rely on expectations too much, you would eventually not love your partner but the person you want him/her to be.

Love relies on trust, hope and perseverance. With that, I hope and hold on.

And pray.

It does not matter what time now you look into the future - you just enjoy the present while preparing for tomorrow. And enjoy now with the person. For in the end, not that it does not matter, but it is the person that does matter. Time and place are fleeting, but the person, while "like a flower ofthe field," in which "the wind blows over it and it is gone," (Psalm 103:15,16 NIV), is "crowned... with glory and honor" (Psalm 8:5 NIV).

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34 NIV)

I love her.

Love the Philippines... Hate Korea?

I received this email. I would like to just point out the idea:

 

Love the Philippines.

 

Original Message Follows:

=====================

How much do we love the Philippines?

 

As you know, we have plenty of Koreans currently studying in the Philippines to take advantage of our cheaper tuition fees and learn English at the same time.

 

This is an essay of a Filipino...

 

My short essay about the Philippines ......and Koreans...

 

Filipinos always complain about corruption in the Philippines. I think we should also complain about Koreans. They have always taken advantage of every race in this part of Asia and now they also want to rape our country another way.

 

Let me first talk about the second world war. according to my Lolo and Lola, the Japanese were the officers and the Koreans were the enlisted men. During the liberation of Los Baños, the Koreans burned houses in Bayan. They shot and killed everyone in sight and they even burned to death a mother and her child. It was the same in Manila, they threw babies in the air and used bayonets to "catch" them. When the 2nd War ended, no Asian pitied the cruel Koreans. No one wanted to help a race that was so wicked and deceptive (they claimed to be Japanese).

 

Koreans used to talk about the Philippines. They wanted our Natural resources because they were greedy.They wanted to take others property without using their own.

 

Koreans used to talk about the Philippines, for Filipinos had a very rich culture. They envied Filipinos because their women looked like cod fish. They wanted to rape us again! They did it during the war and they are doing it again to us . They take advantage of our cheap tuition and clog up our schools thus depriving other Filipinos of the right to study in their own country.Their patriotism is so distorted that they think they have the right to bully other races because they were used by the Japanese and that the world owes them their freedom.

 

40 years ago, President Park took over the government to reform Korea. He tried to borrow (many) money from other countries, but it was not possible to get a loan because he did not want the interest rates. So, president Park sent many mine workers and nurses to Germany. They had to go through a horrible experience. The mine workers went to work in the mines and the nurses went to work in the Hospitals. Today, there are many factories in Korea and in the Philippines. In our country, they give the workers less than the minimum wage. One factory in Laguna employs 1000+ Filipinos with a P200 per day wage at 12 hours. At least they can save on the Labor cost and bring the profits to their beloved homeland.

 

In 1964, president Park visited Germany on a business class ticket. Hundreds of Koreans went on mass leave just to see him cry. Everyone shouted at the same time the same question " President. when can we be well off?". So Park borrowed money.

 

My parents always brought me to the places where the poor and physically handicapped people live.  I don't remember were that place is now but I remember Korean students doing their research work there. But I remember my hometown Los Baños were a Korean courted a lass from Bay. The Korean   courted under false pretenses (He said he was not married). The lass is now a mother and the Korean who worked in IRRI is of course missing.

 

Have you cried for the Philippines? I have not because there is really nothing to cry about. I am not filled with the conscience of my forefathers killing babies. There are many poor Filipinos but our family values are still intact. I am not like a Korean who has no culture graces, no social ethics, no table manners ...

 

I have been to the New Bilibid prison. Yes there are many prisoners there also. They don't like the Philippines and neither do they like the police who put them there... but wait, they hate their victims also. What I mean by they are the two prisoners I talked to. One is a drug pusher, the other killed someone. They said they will go to Korea once they escaped.

 

When we went to Pagsanjan , we saw many boatmen. That was their livelihood. They were thin because they were thin. My parents said they will not ride a boat anymore, even if there was water in the Pagsanjan creeks that led to the waterfall.

 

It changes the world. "Please love your neighbor" advised a Korean to my friend. "There is a god for people who are abused and abandoned and there is a devil for those who abused and raped. Teach them Taekwondo, he continued, and no one will be able to mess around with your child. Kick you foe in the groin and punch him in the nose when he is down..."

 

Please leave our country alone. Our country was separated from Asia's land so than Koreans,Chinese, Vietnamese and all meeses in the world will leave us alone.

 

That's all I really want to ask you Koreans.

Policeman

I remember a few years before. There was this policeman who almost died (I think, if not, he died really) trying to quiet a group of rallyists. The policeman, who had a gun, did not use the gun to the group - he wanted to use the non-violent method to control the crowd, but the group of uncivilized, insensitive, selfish rallyists, who say that they are of the poor and the masses, mobbed the poor guy. Aren't the policemen members of the masses? If they are not, why would they have to work in the first place?

When there is a rally, I wonder how these people say they represent the Filipino people? They only represent their selfish character. That's all.

* * *

I did not watch the SONA. Neither is the reason for lack of interest in the state of the nation, nor lack of trust of the political leadership. No. I do not want to read about it because of the usual news of people not thinking of the greater good, nor for their own individual good, about what is really good in the long term, or such things. People who opted not to study and learn the basics of life, blame the government for not giving them the "basic services," complain about the government not working for them. Since they did not study, they might not have heard "Do not ask what the country can do for you, rather, ask what you can do for the country."

* * *

What is the state of the nation? It does not matter about the economic status of the nation (although, if not for the political crisis created by selfish "opposition," the nation could still have been better), the political crisis, or leadership image. This is easily seen in the moral state of the people. People do not value what is really valuable and essential. They instead promote selfishness and division - what those party lists and activist groups promote as "rights". Where have the Filipinos allowed themselves to come to with such destructive "advisers"?

* * *

Monthsary. Anniversary. What is the essence? I'll give my perspective on it next time.

The Call For Sacrifice Message

One call we often hear today, when people ask President Arroyo to resign, is the call to make the ultimate sacrifice for
the good of the country.

Now that is a call that we can endorse. No, not the call for the President to resign, but the call for everyone, not
just her, to makesacrifices for the good of the nation.

* Loren Legarda: you are challenging the legitimacy of Vice President de Castro. If and when the President
does resign, de Castro will ascend to the Presidency. That is the constitutional process. Your continuing proclamation of his illegitimacy
can become destabilizing. Can you make the sacrifice of withdrawing your suit and just allowing him to sit as President?

* The 10 Cabinet members who resigned: many of you are known for integrity. Let your record speak for itself. Can you
make the sacrifice of just shutting up now and not defending yourselves, for this contributes to further instability?

* Frank Drilon: your salivating for the Vice Presidency leaves a bad taste in the mouth. You manifested extreme
hypocrisy and political opportunism in extolling GMA to high heavens and then stabbing her in the back, within the space of one week. Can
you make the sacrifice of stopping all moves, including those of your Liberal Party cohorts, of political maneuvering?

* All traditional politicians: kayo ang tunay na salot ng bayan. Can you make the sacrifice of resigning your posts and
fading into complete oblivion?

* Activist bishops and clergy of the Catholic Church: we appreciate your concern for the good of our people, but we do
not appreciate your being at the forefront of political activism. Can you make the sacrifice of sticking to your pastoral duties of
ministering to the spiritual needs of the flock and leave the political posturing to the lay people?

* Brother Eddie Villanueva: God has blessed you by giving you a big flock to take care of. That is your calling. While
many disagree with your entry into politics, we leave that between you and God. But what is difficult to take is your insistence, and
that of your apologists, that you won the Presidential elections. For goodness sake, you were number five! If you were cheated, it
was not only GMA who did so but Fernando Poe and the others as well. Can you make the sacrifice of leaving partisan politics entirely and
focusing on the Father's business?

* Imee Marcos, Jinggoy Estrada, JV Ejercito: is it not enough that your parents plundered the nation and you were
part of that, and now you have not only kept all your loot but are also back in power? Can you make the sacrifice of removing yourselves
from the limelight? In reality, you are a major reason why the middle forces are not responding positively to the call to a
change in government.

* Nene Pimentel: Make the ultimate sacrifice to SHUT UP! old man. You have ruined your integrity. You have shown
the real you, a bitter old man of politics who never achieved what you have always dreamed of.

* Activists: Isn't it enough that you are being tolerated despite the fact that you have never contributed any tax for
this country? despite the fact that your existence is based on fault-finding? despite the fact thaat the "bourgoise" that you are
so against of are the very people who support your existence?

* The poor: we understand that, sapagkat kayo ay kapit sa patalim, you allow yourselves to be exploited and brought
to rallies of unscrupulous politicians. Can you make the sacrifice of a few pesos, of bearing with your hunger, and not allow
yourselves to be exploited, so that you maintain your dignity and you help sow the seed for true liberation and well-being, in God's
time?

* Cory Aquino: Isn't it enough that you have become President of this country and you will go down in history as the
one who gave the Filipinos hope after the Marcos dictatorship? Isn't Kris, your daughter enough for you to handle? How can you
have the heart to call for supreme sacrifice when you cannot even manage to call for the same sacrifice from your daughter who has
never given this country something to be proud of? On the country, she is the epitome of bratness and low morals .

The call to sacrifice is a wonderful call. God himself showed us the way. Jesus sacrificed his life on the cross in order
to win our salvation. Such a call is pure, noble, worthy of emulation. Let us not use it for selfish motives. Let us not prostitute
its purity by polluting it with the filth in our hearts.

"For to me life is Christ, and death is gain." (Phil 1:21)

Birthday and Purpose

It was the usual day for my birthday. After 24 years, I still have to go on doing the role of a big brother to my lady friends. Nothing for me. I was tempted and almost fell to self-pity, but the self-pity that I could allow is this thing - blogging.

* * *

July 20. Without sleep, from work, I got to UP Manila to meet Anne. I thought I could stay up until maybe 1300H, latest is 1400H. I thought I would just go with him to NBI to get her clearance. But that's not the way it should be. It's too easy. Let's make it harder for you.

I waited until 1210H. Finally, she arrived. We ate while she waited for her TCG (True Copy of Grades), which the Office of the College Secretary did not finish accurately. So, we have to wait until 1330H when it would be corrected. Good news: We won't go to NBI. Challenging News: I have to go with her to Makati because she (nor does her father who came later) does not know how to get to the place she went top twice already.

What a day to start the day.

* * *

July 22. It was a rest day. Actually, I just wanted to stay at home. I was supposed to wash my shoes, but thought I needed them to go out. My plan for this day was get myself a gift (a Bible or study help), get the gift from Ate Connie (my supervisor when I was a student assistant in the dean's office of CAS), and then give Ruth the receipt for the Gloria Jeans. Everything was well until I met Ruth.

Again, she has her problem with her boyfriend.

And again, with whom would she share this problem, other than me?

I mean, I don't want to be boastful about it, but, can't anybody help her? I mean, it's just my birthday yesterday, and now, I have to endure solving your problem?

But that is my role.

Not to be loved, or be romantically involved, nor be appreciated, but just work on my role.

What is the purpose of a birthday?

Aside from being born, it is to recognize and realize that role which has been put to you.

* * *

No amount of words, quality of expression, sincerity of sacrifice, or strength of love and action, can make a person understand if she does not want to.

The sparkle of the eyes says a lot... if a person only wants to listen.

Birthday

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane, said, "Good morning boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon.

Then, Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch..........naked

 

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Joke from the Internet.