Hugs and Touch

I thought about this before I tried to sleep last night (like I was able to, anyway). I don't like touches. I don't want to be hugged. But I want to hug some people. What am I talking about?

I was fixing my photo album last night when I saw the pictures of people that made me remember the idea of touches and hugs. Some even kiss (not romantic, for clarification). I thought about what they might be thinking about me.

I don't like touches very much. My mother has impressed in me the idea of sensitivity to women, that is the reason for not being touchy with women. And with men, touchy behavior is not manly. I don't like touching.

Neither do I want to be touched. Being touched by a man, for the same reason as above. Being touched by a woman, for two reasons: 1) possibility of misinterpretation of my touch, and, 2) I might expect.

I don't want to be hugged either. Hugs are great touches, and they are challenging. Embrace, maybe? What's the difference? I'll talk about it some other time.

I appreciate an embrace - or more accurately, a bear hug, from close people. For me, bear hugs are between two men. Those are man moments. Victory, strength, life, these are celebrated by bear hugs.

Kiss. Now that's another thing. I remember some people who would like to kiss. I also like to kiss, but with people I am close with only. Not with acquaintances or "just" friend friends. It's something I want to keep special. Whether it is a kiss to the cheek (for a close friend) or to the lips (for a romantic partner), I want to keep it special.

Why do I behave this way?

I learned that there is a reason. From the past, from experiences and lessons, and from a concept of what is good and bad, right and wrong, prudent and foolish.

I want to leap to a personal maturity that is like different from spiritual maturity. O well. I have to be different but prudent. I hope to be correct.

* * *

I heard from my colleague saying "I love you" to another person who fixed his/her foot stool. I'll write about this next time.