Letter for Nami

I have finally done it.

 

I have written a letter in Japanese for my favorite JPOP star, Tamaki Nami.

 

I hope she understands it. My understanding of Japanese is minimal.

 

I tried my best.

 

The URL for this site and my other sites are even mentioned.

 

It's hard. But I did it.

 

Now. Move.

Birthday

It's just one month, and I'll be celebrating two dozen years of living on planet Earth. Yup. I'll be twenty-four a month from now. O well. It's bound to come, anyway.

I would rather think that I have accomplished much in those years, but I have to admit that there are a lot of things which I also have set my eyes on.

* * *

I am writing a letter for my favorite JPOP star Tamaki Nami. I still don't know what to write because I don't know exactly what she would be interested in, but I guess I'll just write something about my country, myself, and how I learned of her and why. Seems like a lot, huh. But it is not as easy as it sounds.

Being a communication major, I have to think and be sensitive of the receiver of my message. The receiver of my message, as I understand, does not understand English, so I have to make my English in 3Cs style (something I learned in the military): clear, concise and complete. It's not so easy still, but it guides on how and what to write.

I started learning Japanese, but it was very hard. I am now studying Japanese on my own - from books. I have finished Hiragana, but writing is different when it becomes a conversation or story - not words which were my building blocks of reading.

Tamaki Nami is a very pretty girl, and despite being 24 years old myself, I am happy that I got to see a person so much younger than I am but have created such a worldwide impact in entertainment - not to mention intercultural barriers.

I hope my letter would mean something for her.

(Honestly, I don't think so, but I have to motivate myself.)

Personal: Anne

Wow. It's Rizal's birthday. It's Father's Day. And it's a very romantic day.

* * *

I called a very dear friend this morning, Anne. It was actually very much unplanned. I was preparing to sleep, and I have already lied down. The thought of speaking to her and telling her that I love her just popped to my mind. And I decided not to let the moment pass.

I called her on my mobile phone. After two rings, she immediately answered, "Brod, bakit?"

As usual, "Wala lang." I just want to express to her that she is important to me. She told (asked, really?) me, "Na-miss mo 'ko no?" I did not deny it.

She asked me what happened yesterday when I met with our other friends, Sheryl and Gladys. I gave her the gyst of events: ate at Burger King, and watched Batman Begins. It was fun. I hope we could be with Anne next time.

She clarified that, or I asked if, she was on speakerphone. She was. She was dressing up when she answered her mobile, so she has to bring it down. I have to know, just to be sure, if there is any other person in her room. There was none (for a reason).

When she said she'll say goodbye, I called her attention one last time for that call. I said, "Ey, I love you."

Considering that her phone was on speaker mode, she asked again, "Ano?"

I put the phone closer to my lips. "I love you."

That was the purpose of the call. Just that. To say that I love her.

I miss her, yes. But I love her as a very dear friend.

* * *

In the bus, I heard a very romantic song. What's more romantic that It might be you? I cannot think of any other song comparable to it. It is a very romantic night. Just like the night I sent Anne an SMS and asked her to look up to the stars.

And when I went inside our building, the song is another romantic song, one that promises very good things, Nothing's gonna change my love for you (or something like that).

This is a very romantic night.

* * *

I am happy. Not just because I heard Anne's voice. I am happy with what I did. I am happy that I was able to express to Anne that I love her. No longer romantically, but with confidence that she has been a person I hold dear. I am happy, more than anything, because I hoped that what I did made her smile, and that what I intended was to make her smile. This time, it is not for me.

I miss a lot of people. The thing is that they don't miss me that much. O well. Life goes on. What is important is what I do, not what other people think of me (in the context of objective resolution).

I am happy today.

Among peers

I had a pleasant time talking with close friends whom I have opted not to meet for a while. I thought I should focus on some objective things instead of "investing" on relationships. Doing so kinda helped both sides to realize what they are in the other person's "order of battle.

I thought I do not want to see them. Last time I saw them, they did not prioritize our "plans," so I decided not to see them anymore. I thought I would go on my project alone, sort of. I have a newsletter plan, and more data on the websites. I minimized contacting them - whether email, SMS or phone call. I focused on the website. If they priorities other organizations, why should I prioritize them?

Why should I meet them and not meet my worsened for a good time for myself? My worsened, with whom I do not want to be close, always ask me to watch a movie. Not because of any "better" concern, but simply I chose to be with the people in the Corps. An experience just emphasized the apparent uncommitted personality of these people.

It's not a matter of right or wrong decision. But I have to move on.

I missed them. But they have other priorities. So I have to move on. Alone.

A shadow in the darkness. Alone.

Life and Career

What will I do? I don't know.

I am trying to decide if I should take law or master's degree (business administration or business management). I'm trying to seek guidance and advice.

One advice is to take master's first. I could take law later always, but at least, I would have money and I would not lose a job after finishing it. If I finish law, I'll have a time when I would be without a job.

Another is take law. It's prestigious.

I'll need more understanding of the processes and consequences.

* * *

It's a good thing I'm still here in the office. I almost forgot to read the Bible. I'll read one over the net.

Rubi

I don't like Rubi. I don't like Spanish telenovelas lately. I used to like them before, because I studied Spanish in college. But now, I don't like them.

I have to, however, watch them. Sort of. I do not really have to watch them. But my aunt watches them, which is just about everyday I return from work. She watches Rubi.

Rubi is a bida na contra-bida. She has a good side, but when I watched the series, the outstanding personality is the scheming, selfish gold-digger.

O well. That's what

* * *

I again overheared the news while taking a bath. The local news is again about the jueteng issue being thrown to the Administration.

I just thought of this when I was taking a bath: Anti-Money Laundering Law.

I mean, if jueteng money was deposited to various accounts in the amount of millions of pesos, can't there be a money-laundering concern here, which the Anti-Money Laundering Act could look into? It should be easy to get a warrant (or whatever that paper authority is) to look into the bank accounts of the people concerned, and from whom the paper came from?

I pray for the Philippines.

Leadership lessons

I heard (without watching) in the news that another witness has surfaced belying the claims that the Government Administration is doing anomalous activities, particularly with jueteng. I thank God for that.

To anyone who discredits the leadership for "credibility," they should not be put in leadership position. Those who cannot be good followers CANNOT be good leaders.

They cannot fulfill their position, how much can they cope withe the responsibility of leadership?

* * *

Christian leadership is simply the best form of leadership.

I don't like PGMA very much, but as of this time, she is the President by law. She IS elected by the plurality (I don't remember if she got majority). She is the President.

People don't appreciate her moves if they are not for them. Who does?

I read this on June 12 (Philippine Standard Time). This is just awesome. How did a Christian live? See Paul's anecdote.

"21To my shame I admit that we were too weak for that!

What anyone else dares to boast about—I am speaking as a fool—I also dare to boast about. 22Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they Abraham's descendants? So am I. 23Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. 27I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. 29Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?" (Emphasis added).

From 2 Corinthians 21-29 NIV.

But how did Paul respond?

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. " (v. 30).

Awesome. This verse... just sort of challenged me.

I miss being a disciple. I miss that life. It is The True Life here on earth.

I could only wish that if she were a true leader, she would respond the same way.

Note: Verses courtesy of BibleGateway.com

Independence Day

Today, in ABS-CBN Channel 2, in the Philippines, Independence Day is shown.

Aside from that, today IS Independence Day.

I love being a Filipino. I love my country. I may not love a lot of Filipinos, but I appreciate them.

I do not just love the Filipinos or Rizal Park or kare-kare. I love the Philippines. I love our nation.

I read in a stupid article in Philippine Star about no Filipino says that he or she loves the Philippines. That when asked if what nationality a person is, a Filipino would rather not tell. I would proudly say to anyone in the world, "I am a Filipino."

The history of the Filipino people and the Philippines are encircled with schemes and lies, but one thing I know: The Filipinos died, and they are worth dying for.

* * *

I also heard in another stupid show about the participation of the youth in, I don't know, governance, public service or nation-building. A lot of things were given, the usual blame-game, but in the conclusion, the show did not identify the distinct purpose of the youth. It is not people power. It is not a call for democracy. It is playing the role of the youth - to prepare for the future responsibility of nation-building.

The youth does not need to take to the streets their sentiments - that is stupid. What really, has taking the issues done to the country? Nothing positive, I assure anyone. Two things I know: Going to the streets corrupts the truth, and litters the street.

EDSA 1, 2 and 3 have passed, where is the country now?

"The Filipino is worth dying for," Ninoy Aquino has said. I would, however, not agree that dying for means being given "democracy." Because what we are living in now is a democratic government but a demagogue way of life.

I love the Philippines.

Hugs and Touch

I thought about this before I tried to sleep last night (like I was able to, anyway). I don't like touches. I don't want to be hugged. But I want to hug some people. What am I talking about?

I was fixing my photo album last night when I saw the pictures of people that made me remember the idea of touches and hugs. Some even kiss (not romantic, for clarification). I thought about what they might be thinking about me.

I don't like touches very much. My mother has impressed in me the idea of sensitivity to women, that is the reason for not being touchy with women. And with men, touchy behavior is not manly. I don't like touching.

Neither do I want to be touched. Being touched by a man, for the same reason as above. Being touched by a woman, for two reasons: 1) possibility of misinterpretation of my touch, and, 2) I might expect.

I don't want to be hugged either. Hugs are great touches, and they are challenging. Embrace, maybe? What's the difference? I'll talk about it some other time.

I appreciate an embrace - or more accurately, a bear hug, from close people. For me, bear hugs are between two men. Those are man moments. Victory, strength, life, these are celebrated by bear hugs.

Kiss. Now that's another thing. I remember some people who would like to kiss. I also like to kiss, but with people I am close with only. Not with acquaintances or "just" friend friends. It's something I want to keep special. Whether it is a kiss to the cheek (for a close friend) or to the lips (for a romantic partner), I want to keep it special.

Why do I behave this way?

I learned that there is a reason. From the past, from experiences and lessons, and from a concept of what is good and bad, right and wrong, prudent and foolish.

I want to leap to a personal maturity that is like different from spiritual maturity. O well. I have to be different but prudent. I hope to be correct.

* * *

I heard from my colleague saying "I love you" to another person who fixed his/her foot stool. I'll write about this next time.

Who am I?

This article was actually written by hand on June 3, 2005, after my disappointing day. Whatever.

* * *

I am Ricky, Sir Ricky, Kuya Ricky and RV. Who am I?

RV - that quite guy in NHO (new hire orientationi) and client-specific training taht became the second "Moy" in PS. He's a very open guy, a lot of people in PS know his "love" life. He's seens as a gullible guy, and he is half-considered not malicious. He's very techie, he is respected but not in the form that is is used to.

Sir Ricky it the complete opposite. Very closed, very reserved. No one kows the side behind the indistinguishable facade. He's a master of human behavior; i.e., he's a manipulator and master schemer. He is both respected and feared. His form is not really known, because he smiles but people know better than to expect that he's in the good mood.

Kuya Ricky is an oblique form of the two, in a way that an image of someone you can confide to is present, but it does not mean that you could read him or would open up to you.

Lastly, there is Ricky, the opposite-oblique. You see him as a lot of things inside, but they are not really anything of meaning - for the meantime.

Who is to command? Who is it that you know? Whom is it that you are talking to?

When will you have a GF?

That's what my mother asked me last Saturday morning.

I could almost answer back to her.... whatever.

I remember weeks before that about my plan to court someone (this is Anne). But she told me, "Anak, 'wag ka muna mag-girlfriend." Those words hurt me big time, and it did set an expectation on me.

I am going to 24 years of my life, two dozen years, and I never had a girlfriend.

Loiselle, you have made your point.

But what could I do?

Where is my life going?

Is there any sense in living this kind of life?

Of course. Life is not all about romance.

But it sure would make a lot of things easier.

* * *

Let's get back to work. I have websites to focus on. Language to study. Emails to answer. HTML to study. And decide if I would really take master's or law (I could almost cry on this topic).

Graduation

On my way to work, I remembered...

* * *

Good thing I learned last night that the person I am interested with likes somebody else. Hmmm... Heheheh!

* * *

I hope to watch Memories of Bali. I got to work early to watch it on the TV at work.

* * *

I remember my post yesterday. What is it that I like in a girl that I want?

* * *

I just remember somethings when I graduated last April.

When I walked, I could hear the claps in the crowd - the student-graduates. It's something for me.

I took college for almost seven years. I became an officer for 7 years.

Or something like that.

I learned what?

Where do I go now?

I already have a job. I want to take up a master's degree. I want to teach. I want... I want....

Tomorrow, I'll think about this more.

* * *

It's gonna be interesting tomorrow.

Date

On my way to work, the radio played again a favorite song, Kanlungan. After that came a 3 to 5-minute blabber from the DJ (Kailangan pa bang i-memorize iyan? Duhh! They are brainwashing the people!)

After that, a song that I liked the beat... I'm leaving yesterday behind... or something like that. After that, grrr.... an OST.

* * *

No. I can't tell a lot about what happened. I am writing now only to learn what I have learned about myself with regards to how I may or would relate from that one "date."

* * *

I got to the place early. As a gentleman, I have to be early. So my initial target was 30 minutes before the appointed time, but I thought it would be significantly long. Even though I could visit our company in that place (Export Bank Buendia), I also thought that 30 minutes is 1) too long to stand and wait; and, 2) girls would be late. I could simply go there on the appointed time and know that they would be late.

They are. We met around 6:30PM, the appointed time was 6:00PM. O well, what could I expect.

Actually, by 6:30PM, I met only our common friend, but not the person my friend set me up to meet. We met actually perhaps 6:45 or 7:00PM, because I was able to listen to a business opportunity meeting (BOM) for at least 15 minutes. Again, "O well...."

So we met. Her name was.... With questions not to make the times she is not talking quiet, I asked some questions. She was 26 years old, at least two years older than I am. We just listened for a while again with the BOM, and then went down (the BOM was in the 15th floor). Our friends left, and we ate at Jollibee. I had chicken strips, she had a Big Meal.

After that, I went with her to meet her friend. A guy. Heheheh.

I left her and got to work.

* * *

Nice experience. So what did I learn?

Before, I thought I would like to meet a mature woman, that I would be able to go along with such a personality. I learned in this experience that I was wrong.

She has been working for 5 years. She lives with friends and colleagues in Intramuros as an Account Receivables officer, a programming graduate, and has been a classmate-seatmate of my DBM friend for FOUR years in high school in San Miguel, Bulacan. Currently, she does not have a boyfriend.

Where am I going with these things?

Nowhere.

What did I learn?

What I don't like. Or what I thought I would like, but learned that it is not an absolute way to make a connection.

Complaints, complaints, complaints.

* * *

I don't like this. I think I feel something that I don't llike. Worse, it's with someone whose charateristics are included in the parameters I would not want to be involved with.

I hate this feeling. But I feel.... WHATEVER!

* * *

What would I write tomorrow? I already have a title but I can't remember what it would be...

Disappointing Day

Yesterday has been a terribly disapponting day.

It has been a day of numerous objectives, but only two got fulfilled. It's like you are being told... "you should not have these today..." or something like that.

Let's see what I planned to achieve yesterday:

1. Get my Civil Service Eligibility Exam results (Professional)
2. Buy things for myself, specifically, for photos
3. Meet Cess in Dean's Office because she promised she'd come
4. Meet Gladys and Sheryl for meeting for plans
5. Meet Fatima for a movie date
6. Meet Jerome and JR for gimmick

I am, until now, very disappointed. I could almost swear. I could almost swear that I should not expect anything from anyone. Even from these guys. And these people are the people I thought I have held in high standards.

Stupid, Ricky. Duhh.

They are people.

You could expect such only from machines.

Well, not really. Machines are created still by humans.

I wish Carlo were here. Somehow, I know he wouldn't disappoint me as much.

You know what what happened yesterday?

I got my CSEE result, and got to buy the album materials.

All the others, nothing happened.

I have to think yesterday, after realizing what happened, "Now, what are the things that I really have to do, aside from talking to these people, because they are not here?"

Move on. They are not my real objectives. (As much as I hate to say this, but just to rationalize things).

Don't expect on people, because they are not perfect. Expectations are there to be disappointed and frustrated. You also disappoint people... people who think highly of you, or appreciate you more or better in a different way. So set your eyes straight. Be frustrated, but learn not to expect anymore. Also, while you know your objectives, have a sense of people. Do not judge someone as useless (vis-a-vis, strategic relationships), but do not lose your sense of priority (again, however, do not expect).

It's hard relating.

I went home.

* * *

To those who want to know what happened with my date last Wednesday, watch out for my blog tomorrow.