Wedding

I was watching a Koreanovela this morning, and I watched the lead man, Ryu something. The guy's character is a poor guy working a lot to achieve his dream or give something back to his mother (I don't really know). He got into a blind date with a girl who comes from a rich background. He has work and does well. The girl knows few of the concerns of poor people, but she is not entirely evil. She just doesn't know, and her encounter with this guy opened a new world for her.

And also for the guy. He did not like the girl - or something like that. He is living on an unknown past - he loves someone that did not return his love and is engaged to someone in Japan (the setting is, of course, in Korea). In their few initial dates, she gives her gifts which are so opposite his usual traditional preferences - like a man magazine (I don't know the correct term.). When they were no longer seeing (so far), he saw the magazine and learns there is some use to that piece of paper.

Seeing his character ignore the presence and the emphasized impact on his life makes me angry at him. I mean, here is a person whom you have felt has definitely made an impact on you, but you ignore her communication. You know she likes you, but you neglect her just because you long for someone you never know will come back and you know is engaged to someone else. You see how her personality complements your own (One of her weird talks gave him an idea on how to approach a person in official business.), but you don't acknowledge her. You act like a prick. The girl is even very beautiful.

That's when I remembered how I acted. I acted like that. Of course, at first, I thought, I didn't want to compare myself with him because his character is richer (considering that he's supposed to be poor), and he has a job that he likes. And the girl is beautiful. When I got back to the point of the issue, I was hit straight in the head - I ignored someone that was coming to me. Why? I don't know - that's probably a difference, but it did not matter. The point is that you are ignoring something for something you do not know.

I remember my article about the Category 3 A$$hole. I tried to put myself in his situation - concentrating on my work and goals, with a responsibility to the family. Coming from a poor background, meets a girl with happy-go-lucky attitude. Is it so hard? Who's at fault?

* * *

Doing some cramming in the office for my graduate studies education, I see people looking at my papers with great interest. I mean, I understand that taking a master is a great feat, but anyone can try! Well, that's what I thought.

I remember the process of deciding if I were to start on June. I looked on the factors. Then, I read in my daily devotional for leaders (by John Maxwell), and the passage for today is about commitment. You would like to make sure of resources, but everything follows if you commitment.

Anyways, I am sort of confused with the way things are happening. The people that look up to me due to taking master degree are the people that I look up to for mastery in doing their job. Well, I guess it just says that I have my interest in learning, while they already have their skills in doing their job. Nonetheless, I still admire them.

It helps my self-appreciation considering that I am in a stage when I doubt if I would want to have my own family or live a single life. I read lots of books about leading a family in a Christian environment, only to decide that I want to be single. So far, all directions point towards that direction.

What will be the purpose for all the achievements? I learned a lot of things. God gave me a lot of gifts - life, character, attitude, friends - what is the sum purpose?

I am confused... of my future, not my sexuality. Heheheh.